Beauty and body image

 I felt compelled to write on the topic of beauty. We can’t define and generalise beauty as for each person it’s different. What may look beautiful to me, to another it may look ugly, be it a car, nature, clothes, a person etc.

 

 I have had a few conversations recently with my friend, I am not going to name them. We both think the same when it comes to beauty and body images about ourselves and this has made me think a lot as well, so I did a little bit experiment on Instagram. I put a photo of myself, all dressed up (the Asian one you like Shaun) and was surprised by the amount of friend requests I received from male strangers. I changed it back again to a ‘normal photo’ and nothing and then put it back to the Asian photo. It’s shallow to be honest to send a friend request based on a photo you like (unless it is online dating) as you don’t know them personally or have something in common with them, for them to find you. Why do I get attention from wearing a dress but not in tracksuits? My hair is the same and no make-up?  It’s the perception, I guess.  It’s tough feeling confident and good in my own skin and I am trying to be a better place in my own body acceptance so that when I get comments dissecting my body and giving unsolicited commentary, that I don’t take it to heart and that I don’t let those comments be the final say on how I feel about my body and I don’t allow it to reinforce the negative talk in my head. My confidence has to be self-sourced and to help change my negative thinking, my mum and friend Shaun are supporting me in this.  

 

With me losing weight, it has given me a lot to think about, it dreads up my past as friends make well-meaning comments.

I wish I could be the confident girl everyone thinks I am but nah I’ve learnt if I smile and be friendly no one suspects a thing about my demons.  Some friends say I have lost too much, some say whatever you do, don’t put it back on which has made me realise that I can’t please everyone and I wouldn’t want to anyway. As a friend said to me we have been so conditioned to  judge people based on their looks  rather than their best feature which is their soul, their heart, their journey in life. Selfies play a big part in it too I believe.

 

 

Images of slim, glamorous people are projected everywhere, be it social media, TV, magazines and even in shops. Because we are surrounded by it, we start to believe that its real and that’s how we should look like, but we forget that filters, airbrushing, personal trainers and stylists are involved. No one  can ooze perfection and not 24 7. Society wants us to be obsessed with our bodies and their imperfections. We need to get off the hamster wheel of society's standards and start to love ourselves and appreciate our bodies  as well as be kind to it. We let society with an agenda-fitness, diet, plastic surgery-tell us we are not beautiful and perfect as we are.

  

When I go to the beauty counter to get my perfume, and they have free samples to give and they recommend which free sample to take, it’s usually a make-up product. But my point is when I say I don’t wear make-up; the therapists looks at me like I said the most gross thing!  I should just say that I. don’t need any of that stuff to be happy and confident in my own skin to make a statement, but the truth is it’s never interested me. We always want what others have but actually they too wish the same. Some want straight hair; some want a smaller bottom or bigger breasts thinking it will make them happy, but the reality is it won’t. We truly won’t be happy with ourselves unless we learn to love ourselves which is easier said than done. We think slim people are happy as we are led to believe slim people have the perfect body, but that’s not true.  They are just like everyone else. I am now slim, but by no means ‘happy’ with my body.

 

Society also needs to stop stereotyping and assuming that ALL women like to wear make up or wear figure hugging clothes, and that slim people don’t have rolls of fat or stretch marks. A good person to follow is James Smith on Instagram as he says it how it is. I particular liked his posts ‘Behind the scenes’ which is based on fat rolls and Tough Love’. However, if like me you don’t like to swear and don’t like to hear people swear, then it’s best not to follow him. 

 

 

I recently thought about the celebrities I like, be it Salman Khan, Terence Lewis and Jamie Dornan. They all have one thing in common, biceps and a six pack but in reality, I know that I wouldn’t care less if my partner didn’t have those as nothing lasts forever and it’s not a quality that would make a relationship last. So, why don’t we have celebrities showing their rolls of fat, stretch marks or less glamourous days? Because journalists would have a field of day? But why do we let the media do this.

A friend of mine told me something recently that I try to hang onto:’ It’s best to look at the overall picture of yourself. It might just be perfect. Our own eyes are more critical, than those of others.

 

 I know beauty is more than skin deep as for me it’s about what that person is like, how they make me feel, how they contribute to the world. I for one need to take my eyes off silly imperfections like stretch marks and focus on the real stuff, only then I can be a good role model for daughter.

  This first photo is not a true reflection of me.    

 

                      The second photo I don't like but I am putting it out there to confront my demons.      

                                                                  I feel this photo above is me.