The Year 2020!

My book
This year, 2020 will go down in history and we are all part of it. However, it’s been generalised that it has been a horrible year for ‘EVERYONE’ and while it has for some no doubt, due to their loved ones dying, NHS workers working tirelessly and people losing their jobs and for other reasons too. For others like me it has not, as I have a roof on my head, income coming in and my loved ones are safe. What more could I ask for.

 For someone like me, it has been incredible year. How can I say this? Well, my worst year was 2009, when Arvind died, and it can’t get worse than that. So, while I miss my Nani and Shaun so much this year, it gives me comfort and hope knowing that both are well and safe and I CAN see them next year, all being well. Whereas Arvind I will never see again, never celebrate his birthday or Christmas again.

 My life right now was never plan A. It wasn’t even in the scope of my plans such as writing a book, losing weight, home-educating Layla, starting a new job, re-connecting with an old friend, making new friends, writing blogs, annoying Mr Grump daily.

 Yet how powerful is stillness. For people like me, the pandemic gave me time to sort out my priorities. I was too busy running around like a headless chicken, cramming everything in. It gave me time for reflection, to grieve, to stay in the present, in the moment and gave me a lot of time to think about the future even though it may seem to be out of our control. 

 Perspective is key to a positive mindset, changing thoughts of uncertainty to deep immense gratitude for the moments I have and for the people I have in my life. For example, I couldn’t go to the gym, but I CAN workout at home, I can’t change what is going on, being stuck at home, but I can do what I can, with whatever I have to the best of ability, by adapting to the situation. We don't know what exists within us until we explore unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations, that literally activates parts of us we never knew existed like me home-educating my daughter. 


So many people are talking about how they can't wait for life to get back to normal and I’ve sat and thought: 'Do I want my life to go back to the normal it was before?' NO, I don’t as it was too busy and while I know life is too short and I live my life to the full, I forgot to live in the moment as I let time constraints dictate me daily as I put too many demands on myself instead of saying no to people. While most have talked about mental health affecting them being couped up at home, what about people whose mental health it will affect going back to ‘normal’ such as those who suffer from anxiety. If I’m honest it scares me as I’m selfishly happy in my own bubble and would only break it to see Shaun and Paul and my Nani.

  Things I have put off I’ve made a conscience to do now. Some I can’t talk about, but in time friends will know. It made me make life changing decisions such as home educating my daughter. This year has given me time to lead a much slower pace of life and connect with myself again and make more time for friends virtually. And while this year has been tough for most and I understand why, for me it’s given me a chance to believe in my capabilities, know who loves me and to love myself while continuing to take Arvind with me in whatever I do, wherever I go.
COVID-19

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