How I feel people see me as a British Asian.

Society has so many connotations about India and Indian people due to what they see/hear/ read through the media as well as the British Asian people living here. The question people ask me is “Where are you from?” I say London. I mean come on; how can they miss the cockney accent! They then say, “but where are you originally from?” I want to say “why don’t you ask me directly, which country I belong to because I am brown,” but I don’t. I say I was born here but my parents are from India. This then leads to more questions. Growing up, I always felt I didn’t belong to any country because the UK never accepted me as I had brown skin and India never accepted me because I was born and raised in London. Now I don’t care. I know who I am and that’s all that matters. People get confused between religion and culture. This is what it means to me. I feel religion is a belief and devotion to a particular God. Yet when I say I have no religion, people, especially Indians believe that I must have no notion about India culture and this where the confusion arises. Ask me about the history of India, the freedom fighters, the films, dramas, the actors, the politics, the food and I will know, as I have learnt about it. This to me is the culture of India. India is a part of my identity: I don’t believe in God but that is not related to being an Indian. Religion means a person has chosen a way of life, so they may become a vegetarian, not smoke or drink, attend a place or worship regularly, but that does not mean they know about the country where the religion originated. In India my Hindi is thought of as ‘tutti-frutti,’ to people who don’t know what that means, it means I don’t speak fluent Hindi all the time (even though I understand it.) This is because it is so confusing when you have to change the words when you speak to an elder, or a boy, or a girl. Yet because of this people judge me and assume without knowing the reason why, that I know nothing about India. My dad is profoundly deaf so my mum thought it would be better to teach us English and BSL. I learnt from watching India Movies with my mum as the translator. I can even get rid of my English accent now.

When I was in my twenties, I would always get asked “So are you going to have an arranged marriage?” Really!!! My mum has three sisters and one brother and all but one, had a love marriage and that was in ‘those days.’ Then it was, “So you are not getting married as you are Asian, so as girl it’s your responsibility to look after Arvind” !!!! I also get asked if we only eat Indian food at home. But then in India people think we only eat western food, so I tell you, I can’t win. People here assume my parents won’t be able to speak English and will not wear western clothes. A good example is when me or mum have to accompany dad somewhere so we can sign for him, people at first think we are there as he can’t speak English. Most people in India speak English by the way. Then I get asked by people here, do you celebrate Christmas? Guess what, we do, more so than we celebrate Diwali. We do the full works and we even go to midnight mass but only because we find it peaceful. People also assume that I don’t wear miniskirts, low cut tops etc. because I am Asian. But guess what, it is because I don’t want to!!! I will never forget my mum buying these shorts for me and I was adamant I didn’t want to wear them. My mum thought it was just me being silly as I was only about 6 and so I wore them, only to cry and try and pull the length down every time I sat. From that day on, my mum realised that I genuinely felt uncomfortable and so it never happened again. In fact, much to my brother’s disgust, I asked my mum to write me a letter for P.E as I hated wearing the mini P.E skirt and matching knickers. That letter said due to my religion I was not allowed to wear the skirt. I mean come on, being Asian has to have some advantages, even if it did embarrass my brother. People also view India as a poor country. I don’t. There are wealthy parts and poorer parts just like here. When we travelled with Arvind and now Layla and I put the videos and photos up, friends were shocked to see India has a MacDonald’s, a Nando’s, M&S etc. Why believe what you see and hear in the media. But more importantly, India has abundant riches in being so friendly, welcoming and loving to anyone who comes to their country. People assume all Indians are vegetarian, they don’t smoke or drink. I find the Indians here much more conservative than the Indians back home. I came across this the other day. It resonated with me and I found it quite thought-provoking. It’s by Jidda Krishnamurti . . . “When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or English or a European or anything else you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you don’t belong to any religion, to any political party or partial system; you are more concerned with the total understanding of mankind".