It’s your fault as you are lady.

This week has been a sad but thought-provoking week due to the murder of Sarah Everard, which gave way to a taboo subject. I always think though why something like this has to happen for people to talk about it and will it just be everyone jumping on the bandwagon, sharing the same image/ phrases until it’s forgotten. I say this as the Me-Too Movement is hardly talked about now and the cover up of the BBC paedophiles in powerful places and establishments attempts to cover up their actions. Change can only come about if we, individually, as well as collectively, challenge or make a change in our own actions, challenging friends or change our language in how we perceive a woman based on their clothes. Sarah Everard was NOT in the wrong place at the wrong time. This takes away the wrongdoing of the culprit. All she was doing was getting exercise in while walking home. Does this mean she shouldn’t have walked home because SHE is a WOMAN? I’ve realised that what I have always done when walking home especially in the dark, other women have done too. Holding my house keys in my hands, putting my hoodie so I don’t look like a woman, ran home, texted my every step to my brother such as I’m getting on the tube, I’m getting off the bus, wearing baggy clothes so my body-shape can be hidden so not to bring attention to myself. Where does this all stem from? It is a sub-conscious fear of our safety and something we have been doing since we knew we had to as that is done thing if you decide to go out especially in the evenings. I, as a mother, worry for my daughter when she becomes a teenager, now, even though she is only 7! Why? Because she has disabilities that makes her vulnerable and I worry that a man will take advantage of this.

I always tell my friends, text me when you get home or if I drop my friends’ home, I wait until they are inside their home. Why? They should be safe right outside the house. Well, no. The murder of Sally Anne Bowman who was killed by a stranger on her doorstep after her boyfriend dropped her home, had a deep profound effect on me that is why I wait until my friend has shut the door. That was 16 years ago! The judgement and prejudices against women: ‘They deserved it’, ‘what do you expect dressed like that?’ How many sexual partners she had then! She shouldn’t have gone out late at night. Why did she go back home with him then? Why did she drink so much? We never hear ‘the man shouldn’t have done it’; full stop! A man walks around topless, no one says anything, a woman wears a mini skirt or low top and the looks, the assassination on her character! What has happened in the media and amongst us women speaking out this week, happened in India a few years ago and got everyone talking. Something I love that changed In India for both men and women ,is that they can lock their profile on FB meaning no one can see their photos or anything unless they are friends. It stops the harassment. This can be done only in India at the moment. An Indian film called Pink explores all the things mentioned above. A woman has a right to say no. A women has a right to feel safe whenever they leave their home. We as a society have regressed views where women are stereotyped as prostitutes/ tarts/ slags etc if they come home late, want to be independent, drink and so on, but none of these apply to men. A woman says “NO”. No means no and does not require further explanation. However, for change to happen, we don’t just post stuff on social media, but talk about it, challenge it when we see it happen amongst our friends and strangers, stop indulging in these music videos, lyrics, adverts and anywhere else that glorifies women as objects rather than it being about them. After all women are subjected to do things, they may not be comfortable with, yet the director insists this is the only way a product will be hit because as an audience indulge in it. Together we are stronger if we speak up always.